Heading to Camp, Need Transition Advice

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Summer camp is in full swing for many campers, and a whole lot more are beginning to feel the trepidation of heading to camp in the next week.  If you need a few tips to help you from now through opening day drop-off read on.

Enjoy your time with your camper this week! 

Play card games, share a craft, sit and cuddle.  You are both headed for a transition.  Children absorb the anxiety that parents radiate, so try to maintain your own sense of calm and confidence.  As you hang out with your camper, listen to the questions and concerns she may have.  Let her know it’s natural to feel nervous, but reinforce the confidence you have in her to meet new friends and immerse herself in camp.  

Many camps have websites with photos from the summer so far. Look at the photos together and share what she may be thinking.

Remain positive.  

If your camper is experiencing anxiety over homesickness from last year, acknowledge his anxiety. Reassure your child that each summer brings new opportunities and new faces.  There will be campers who have never been to camp before and your returning camper can help those campers learn the ropes at camp. Share a few strategies with your child to manage a difficult situation, whether it may be using pull-ups at bedtime or needing a nightlight or being nervous about not knowing how to swim.  Encourage your camper to talk with her counselor if she has a concern— the counselors are enthusiastic and supportive role models and caregivers for your camper.

Pack Light.  

Campers' days are filled with activities, and often their free time is playing a game of roots and rocks or other made-up games that don’t need any equipment. Save a few goodies, like a madlibs or a craft project to send to him in a care package while he is at camp.  Keep the trunk light and clutter-free.

Say Good-bye Cheerfully.

When you take your daughter to camp and are ready to say good-bye, look her in the eye and with a big smile tell her you will see her soon and are looking forward to hearing all about her time at camp.  Counselors are trained to scoop up campers and introduce them to camp. A book or an upbeat card left on her bed can be a fun surprise for her when she returns to her cabin.  

Turn around and walk to your car, don’t let him see you cry.  You are giving your camper an incredible gift.  It is usually much harder for the parent to leave a child at camp than it is for the child to get into the camping routine.

If you have any last minute concerns, check in with your camp directors.  Let your child make her own way in the precious present.

Pickup Day Patience

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Pickup day is around the corner.  Moms, dads and grandparents are eagerly anticipating watching their camper running enthusiastically toward their outstretched arms, jumping up in a big monkey hug and exclaiming, “Yay! You’re here! I have so much to tell you about camp!” 

Those parents and grandparents need a more realistic view of pickup day before they are disappointed in the lackluster greeting that may await.  I have seen campers barely acknowledge their parents’ presence, let along offer a greeting, when pickup day arrives.

Campers are immersed in their own world, a world that for many children is not meant to intersect with their family or hometown friends or any other external touchstones.  Camp is theirs and seeing their parents at camp may be jarring at best.

While some campers do greet their parents with a hug and a smile, many walk up warily, may not make eye contact and seem to forget all their manners as parents nudge them to say “thank you” to their counselors.  Some even break into tears as they realize their summer surrounded by camp friends for 24 hours a day is coming to a close.

So what’s a parent to do?  

First, acknowledge that your presence as a parent may be discomfiting to your child.  As thrilled as you are to see your child, try to keep your excitement under wraps if you recognize that your enthusiasm is not being returned. 

Second, her lack of attention to you is likely a reflection of her attachment to her camp friends, not her diminished love for her parents.  Let her acknowledge your presence in her own time and in her own way. 

Third, restrain from peppering your child with questions as you load up the car.  Give him a chance to say his own good-byes while you distract yourself talking with the camp director or other parents or packing the car.   

Fourth, while good manners should not be overlooked, now may not be the best time to reprimand your child for not making eye contact or greeting his younger brother with a hug. 

Finally, be patient.  There will be plenty of time, perhaps on a long drive home down the east coast, to hear her stories.  You have ten months before she heads back to camp— plenty of time to converse about her summer on the lake.

School Camp Overlap

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The end of the school year is colliding with the beginning of camp. You need to make some decisions about whether to miss the culminating school events or introductory camp days.  What’s a parent to do?

First, there’s no one-size-fits-all solution.  You need to do what works best for your campers.

Some elements to consider:

• Does your child get more stressed by not having closure or is she nervous about late arrivals?
• Is this year a milestone year at either camp or school?
• What would he actually be missing in the final days of school— exams that are his springboard for college applications or a few days of cleaning out desks and lockers?  And what would he actually be missing in the first few days of camp? 
• What are your commitments as a parent during the final days of school for your camper or her siblings?

Take the time to talk through the trade-offs with your child now, so when school ends and camp begins, your camper isn’t overly anxious about the choice that’s been made.  And remind yourself and your child that it is valuable to set priorities and make decisions.  You can’t dance at two weddings with one tush!

A Smooth Camper Drop-off

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Taking a daughter to camp, especially the very first time, can be as exciting and worrying for the parent as it is for the camper.  The key to a successful drop off on the first day of camp is to ensure both your and your child's needs are met in the transition. For your child, she needs to integrate with her peers and make a connection to camp life so she has a focal point other than the goodbye.  Whether your child is clingy or independent, you need to balance giving her space and support to make that camp connection. Your child can sense if you are distressed about leaving her, so it's also important for you to assure yourself that your child is in good hands.  

A few tips for balancing your needs and your child's needs on the first day of camp:

• Meet her counselors— learn their names

• Meet any cabinmates who are around

• Introduce yourself to other parents—this gives your daughter time to connect with her peers on her own

• Help your daughter arrange a few items—maybe a photo she has brought from home, a jacket or laundry bag hung up. This setting up is truly more for the parent than the child. A parent wants to visualize her daughter’s space. For a camper, setting up is just a transitional pause before merging into camp life.

• Well run camps will have transitional activities for the arriving campers whether they head directly to a meal, an activity or gather for a craft. And a counselor who is well trained will create a transition.  When she does, take your cue and depart with a quick goodbye.

• Leave a card and small gift—a book, card game, activity book—for her on her bunk as a surprise when she returns to her cabin.

• Smile as you depart—you want your daughter to think of you as happy that she’s at camp

Welcome Home Gifts

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Summer camps are finishing up their fun-filled summers. How do you welcome your camper home? Here are a few gifts you can give to help him or her readjust to non-camp living.

1. Space 

Sure they have been living cot to cot, maybe 50 campers sharing one bathroom and well over a hundred in the dining hall, yet somehow close quarters doesn’t translate well to family living.

2. Time 

You may have been anxiously waiting 7 weeks for their return, but your camper may well be on a totally different time scale. Don’t expect instant re-engagement in family life—give him time. Going from 24 hour camp interaction to hanging out with mom and dad and little brother is abrupt.

3. Unfettered Internet Access 

“What?!” you may be thinking, “she just spent the better part of a summer separated from technology and you’re advocating that she plug right back in?!” If she had access prior to camp she’s going to want to post her camp photos and yes, check in with the camp friends she just said good-bye to all of two hours ago.

 4. Movie Out 

Most campers don’t get out to movies during the summer, so there are likely several showing that he would like to see before school is back in session. Let him pick what to see for a family night out.

5. Chauffeur 

 An alternative to heading to a movie as a family, you can offer to drive her with friends to a movie, the beach or an amusement park. Many of the other parents may be chauffeured out by August, so step up and stay quiet behind the steering wheel.

6. Magazine 

Pick up a copy of People or Us or some other weekly magazine for your camper to flip through without too much thought. Potentially gives you a visual on your camper as he may sit nearby as he mindlessly flips pages. Gives your camper both time and space, see above.

7. Book 

For more avid readers have a new book waiting as an option to give her both time and space.

8. Favorite Dinner or Dessert 

While the food at camp may have been delicious, it’s unlikely the cook knew exactly how to prepare her favorite pasta, brownie raspberry sundaes or peach pancakes. Now is a great time to cook up a few favorites.

9. Frame 

Most photos are retained digitally these days, but it can be fun to have a favorite summer memory on her dresser or bedside table. Find a summer or friend-themed frame to have waiting for her and then let her chose a summer photo for you to print.

Making the Most of Visiting Day

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Like many parents we are eagerly awaiting our first visiting day with our daughter at camp. After not seeing her for nearly 3 weeks, we imagine her broad smile as she catches a glimpse of me and my husband walking into camp and her racing beneath the pine trees arms outstretched to give us both a big hug around the neck. Ah, the sweetness of daydreams.

I still clearly remember the first time my parents visited me after 3 ½ weeks at camp. I wasn’t all smiles and joy, eager to share with them every moment of my leisurely days by the lake. I felt awkward introducing them to my friends and even felt like they were trespassing on my turf.

We need to remember that we are the foreigners on visiting day. Despite the fact that we raised them, helped them with homework, drove them to countless soccer matches and gymnastics meets, we may as well be just another viewer in the crowd at the Fourth of July parade for all of the attention our campers may chose to lavish upon us when we show up at ‘their’ camps. And make no mistake; it is theirs—their home, their friends, their place, their independence.

Some campers may run up and give mom or dad or grandpa a big hug and eagerly begin storytelling. However, an equal number may sit back and timidly acknowledge us as parents before running off for a game of tetherball without so much as a backward glance.

What to do?

Be Patient 

If your camper is reticent to hang out with you, be patient. Give her time to adjust to your presence in her place.


Be Present 
You have a great opportunity to get a feel for the place he is living. Be observant, meet his counselor, talk with the director, look around camp.


Be Pleased 
One of the benefits of summer camp is the opportunity for a child to gain independence. If your child isn’t running into your arms to ask you to wash her bathing suit or what she should do because her flashlight isn’t working , then perhaps she is starting to gain self-reliance.


Be Positive 
When he is ready to hang out with you, listen to the stories he has to share without judgment. Let your child be comfortable that your visit won’t upset his equilibrium. Take in all that he wants to share.

Our daydreams may not materialize on visiting day, but with patience and a positive outlook we can leave our visit content that our child is soaking up the essence of summer camp.

Connecting with Camp as the Days Shorten

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October is here and the long lazy days of both last and next summer seem ages away. Yet out of sight doesn’t need to be out of mind for summer camp. Especially for kids who are making a transition to a new home or a new school, maintaining connections with summer camp friends can offer comfort and confidence.

The following are a few ways your child may want to maintain his or her summer camp connections.

Camp websites: Many summer camps keep photos posted from previous summers. Sit with your camper and go through the photos, allowing her to tell you the stories the pictures invoke.

Camp gatherings: Find out if your camp hosts local reunions or visits camp fairs in the fall or winter.

Visit a camp friend: While it may seem like camp friends are scattered far and wide, many may be living in the same state—perhaps only an hour drive away. Help your camper plan a visit for a weekend with a camp friend.

School assignments: Innumerable school assignments are ideal for a camper to reminisce about summer camp. Whether writing a third grade poem on riflery at the camp range or composing a personal essay for a college application, summer camp offers a plethora of topics for completing assignments.

On-line: If your child is old enough to use a facebook account, keeping up with camp friends is easy and immediate. Or simply sending emails can keep a friendship current.

Postal Mail: And every camper is versed in writing letters and sending them via the post office. There’s nothing like finding a personal letter from a camp friend in the mailbox!

How do you keep in touch with camp friends after camp has closed?

Visiting Summer Camp

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August is a great time to visit summer camps in Maine—visit in the next few weeks and you are likely to find the camps full of campers immersed in activities, working for honors, and playing in the water with friends. While a winter camp fair is a good place to ask the camp director lots of questions about camp (see Questions to Ask), a summer tour is more about gaining an appreciation for the pulse of the camp. Is this a place where your child would thrive in the summer?

A few tips to get the most out of your visits:

• Call ahead to let the director know you are coming. She or he will most likely be able to set aside some time to show you around or have another staff member show you camp.
• Bring your child with you!
• Ask when the best time is to visit. Right after lunch may fit your schedule best, but you may find that lunchtime at camp is later or the campers are at rest. You will likely get to know the camp best when the campers are engaged in activities.
• Find out if there is a weekly campfire or other gathering on the day you are visiting. There may be other parents who will be around camp at the same time who may be able to answer some of your questions as a parent.
• Find out if the camp has each family tour camp together or offers prospective campers a chance to interact with current campers without their parents. If so, talk to your child in advance so she isn’t surprised by the separation.
• While the staff likely is very happy to answer your questions, take the time to simply get the feeling of camp—is the energy level what you are looking for, do the campers look happy, are the variety of activities ones your child may be interested in trying?
• Finally, while summer camp can certainly help build lifelong friendships and skills, this isn’t a college tour and your child may be a bit overwhelmed to approach campers and strike up a conversation. Let your child simply absorb the place; selecting a summer camp is a decision that a parent can make.

Our Comfort Zone

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The trunk is pack and loaded into the back of the car with a few stuffed animals perched on top. You’re driving on I-95 north to take your daughter to summer camp for the first time. Your daughter has been sitting quietly in the back seat; she didn’t eat any breakfast, so you know the butterflies are increasing. Yours too. You’re proud that you haven’t teared up in front of her yet. Then you hear the lyrics on the radio, “That’s my daughter in the water every time she fell I caught her. Every time she fell.” The tears fill your eyes; you blink them back so you can keep driving as a lump forms in your throat, and change the station.

Taking a child to camp for the first time is a huge transition—and not just for the child who will be making choices on a daily basis without parental input. Summer camp is also a significant transition for a parent. For many parents, having a child attend summer camp is outside of their comfort zones. You will miss chatting with him at breakfast, playing hopscotch in the driveway, tucking her in at night. Acknowledge your feelings with someone who shares your parenting values; someone who also appreciates the friendships, confidence and life skills that can blossom in a summer camp experience. As parents we need to reach outside of our comfort zones at times to make the world a better place, to live life to the fullest, to do our best as parents.

Recognizing that taking your daughter to camp is as momentous for you as for her, is important. You can help her by being positive and realistic. It’s okay to let your camper know that you will miss her, but you also need to reassure her that you will be fine while she’s at camp. Once you get your child settled at camp and you are back home, take time to let your rush of emotions envelop you. Call a friend who has camper children and share your turbulent feelings of change. Go for a run and talk out loud. Summer camp is a major transition for the camper and her parent, one that can have a positive impact for both of you as well as your relationship with one another for years to come.  What worked for you after taking your child to camp for the first time?

Responding to A Sad Letter from Your Camper

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Elation: Opening your mailbox and finding a letter from your camper!
Deflation: Reading the letter and discovering that she’s lonely or homesick or feeling left out.

Receiving a sad letter from your camper is difficult and highly emotional. Often it is best to set the letter aside and think—perhaps even talk out loud with a spouse or a friend before responding. Consider whether the incident or concern is urgent and you need to call the director, or is your camper just experiencing a low because he wasn’t recognized at the weekly camp fire or she still hasn’t learned how to do the back float and everyone else can?

If you feel you need to call the camp director keep in mind that you have only received one side of the story. Be certain to ask for the director’s perspective. For more suggestions on calling the camp director read an earlier post Calling the Camp Director.

If, on the other hand, writing a letter in return is appropriate here are a few guidelines:

• Acknowledge Your Camper’s Feelings 

      What seems like a minor matter to you, is often a much larger issue from the perspective of a 10 year old.

• Stay Constructive 

     “What a jerk he is!” may make you feel better momentarily, but is unlikely to help your camper find a positive resolution. Perhaps you can suggest she talk with her counselor or another adult she is close to at camp.

• Remember that Dealing With Interpersonal Issues is Part of the Camp Experience

     Offering parental guidance in moderation can be helpful. But keep in mind that learning how to deal with non-life threatening situations on her own is part of the value of sending your daughter to camp.

• Be Aware Time Keeps Moving Forward

     From the time the incident occurred and your daughter wrote and mailed the letter, until you received the letter and finally until she receives your response could be up to a week( or more if you’re in Canada and there’s a postal strike!)  In that amount of time any number of personal transgressions may have been resolved. Consequently, dwelling on the topic for an entire sheet of paper may be excessive. Address the issue, let your camper know you care and are here for her, and then move on. Include a funny story from your childhood if that is helpful. Or add a riddle or joke or something light to bring a smile or laugh.

If you stay positive, your child is more likely to internalize your positive outlook and be able to deal with whatever issue may have come and gone by the time your letter is received.

Writing Your Camper

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In our high tech world, there are few places where a handwritten, or even typed letter, are so treasured as at summer camp. Following a few guidelines can turn a mundane recounting of your daily routine into a letter that your child may even prize as much as a package. Okay, any letter is unlikely to be elevated to package status, but at least you can create a memorable missive to your summer camper.

Print
Supposedly students are taught to read and write cursive in grade three. Yet in most cases, opening a letter and discovering cursive is about as appealing as being served broccoli for breakfast and likely to be pushed aside just as quickly. For camp letter legibility stick with printing.

Be Colorful
We all like eye candy-- make your letter visually appealing. Use multiple colors of ink, decorate the margins, draw pictures occasionally in place of words. You may even feel like a kid again as you write.

Write Conversationally
You are chatting with your child not writing a memo to your manager. Use playful expressions, interrupt yourself, get off topic, meander.

Topics are Irrelevant
Unless you parachuted from an airplane and landed in a coconut tree on your commute to work, you don't need to recount your daily routine. Tell your child about the dog in the supermarket or how you had to retrieve your car keys from the garbage. You may want to know your child's schedule and every interaction, but he just wants to get a letter and know you are thinking of him. Laughing out loud while reading is a huge bonus, hearing about the traffic on the way to work, not so much.

Stay Positive
Especially if this is your child's first experience away from home, you want to stay upbeat. No need to mention how sad you are without her celebrating the fourth of July with you or how you are counting the days until she is home. It is fine to let her know you love her, but you don't want her worrying how you will manage without her at home.

Jokes, Riddles and Humor
If you are still stuck for what to write, find some jokes, riddles, puzzles or puns to include. Find a host of child-friendly jokes on this website  Try this one for your camper in the summer woods:

Q: What is a mosquito's favorite sport?

A: Skin-diving.

Letters don't need to be long or newsy. They do need to arrive and let your camper know you are thinking of her.

The Winter Solstice, Flinging and Slowing Down

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One of my favorite days of the year is the winter solstice—not for its long hours of dark, but for the turning point it marks as the days grow longer.

My mind turns to June and July and sitting on rocks above a lake watching the sunset, or gathering around a campfire while the sun still lingers above the distant mountains or even rising with the bugle and jumping into the lake, the sun well above the horizon. Today marks the turning point towards those long camp days.

I am so enamored of the winter solstice that I eagerly check the sunrise and sunset times to confirm that the days will indeed be lengthening come tomorrow. This isn’t as straightforward as it sounds. Math is actually required, albeit simple arithmetic. Unless I visit one of the websites that list the length of day down to the second, removing the need for any calculation at all.

The sun actually began setting later on December 15 in Boston, but sunrise also continues to occur later right on until January 6. Curiously I wonder if that has anything to do with the 12 days of Christmas, but I digress. So how is it that we experience a longer day (here in the northern hemisphere) even as sunrise continues to occur later?

Because the earth’s orbit around the sun is an ellipse and the earth is closest to the sun near the winter solstice, the earth is actually traveling faster in its orbit now than in June. So if you feel like you’re flying faster this time of year, well you are, astronomically speaking. During a single day’s revolution, the earth travels a greater distance along its orbit this time of year than it does during our summer.

Consider that you are standing on the earth, facing directly toward the sun at point A. The earth rotates through one day and simultaneously moves along its elliptical orbit. Consequently point A after one day isn’t quite facing directly toward the sun. The earth needs to rotate a tiny bit more for A to be facing the sun again. This corresponds to the sun rising just a bit later. And at the other end of the day, the sun is still in view and the earth needs to rotate a tiny bit more before sunset is experienced. This corresponds to the sun setting just a bit later.

Tomorrow sunrise will be a bit later than today, but sunset will be later by a smidgeon more and voila, tomorrow we will have daylight for nearly a second more than today.

Tomorrow I will relish that second. As I feel myself being flung faster past the sun at greater speeds this time of year, I can look forward to slowing down during the long days of summer camp.

End of Camp Transitions

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The day to pick up your daughter from camp has finally arrived! You wake up early, getting ready to go like it’s your first day of school, finding the car keys and hitting the road in time to arrive precisely at 9 am. You can’t keep the smile off your face as you eagerly anticipate the big hug when you see her, all the stories she will want to share, and getting ready for your family vacation together. So when you step out of your car at camp and she’s nowhere in sight you’re a bit let down, but not too much, she probably just needed to run back to her cabin for a forgotten towel. Looking around you see clumps of girls, a few smiles, a lot of tears, lots of cameras and group hugs as other parents load up their cars with trunks and sleeping bags and the accumulations of a summer at camp. Ah ha! You spot her coming through the pines arm in arm with another girl, laughing together! You wave to her, she spots you and immediately her laughter stops, her shoulders slump and she says something quietly to her friend. Are those tears you see building in her eyes? Tears of joy at seeing you? Likely not if she has enjoyed her time at camp.

If your daughter has spent previous happy summers at camp, then you likely recognize bits and pieces of this scenario as they have played out in your life on camp pick up day. We all hope our children find companionship, independence and confidence in their lives. Yet we still sigh as we watch our children achieving these milestones without us.

Balancing your need for interaction with your daughter’s need for transition is not easy. Here are some suggestions I have received from camp parents over the years.

• Give her space and time to say her good-byes, but don’t prolong the parting. Just as when you dropped her off, better not to linger excessively
• Let her stay quiet in the car, play her favorite radio station and don’t try to start a conversation
• Have a new magazine or two waiting at home for her
• Have a few outings in mind, but let her have several days at home before departing for a family vacation. This is helpful not only because she needs the downtime, but also because her immune system may have gone into overload the last few days at camp with little sleep and high stress. So give her time to recharge
• Similarly, no need to have the hair cut, orthodontist appointment and eye exam all on the day she returns from camp
• Other than the wet towels and bathing suits which may mildew in her trunk, give her the time and space to unpack as she’s ready
• Have meals at home— perhaps make her favorite dinner or dessert

• Have lots of fresh fruit on hand—a variety of fresh fruit isn’t always available at camp
• Let her sleep!
• Ask her to join you and her siblings in a card game or other game she enjoys, but don’t pester her if she chooses to pass
• Listen to the stories she wants to share rather than trying to guide the conversation to the questions you want answered

Given the time and space she needs to transition she will return to her place in the family—perhaps with more confidence, new skills and greater cooperation.

If you have picked up a daughter from camp, what has worked well in your family getting ready for pick up or in the first few days home?