4 Questions to Help You Assess: Is My Child Old Enough for Summer Camp?

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Parents often wonder if their children are old enough to go to a sleep-away camp. Beyond the obvious “it depends” consider these situations I’ve seen.

• Two girls first attended camp for 3 1/2 weeks as 6-year olds, and returned to camp enthusiastically for many years.
• A 7-year old came for a week and was exceedingly homesick.  She returned 2 years later and flourished.
• A 6-year old camper was not at all homesick, but wasn’t able to participate in a large group setting where she needed to follow rules.  She returned at age 8 and enjoyed an outstanding summer.
• An 11-year old came to camp for the very first time for seven weeks. She appeared timid when she arrived, yet after one week in a cabin she wholeheartedly embraced all aspects of camp and thoroughly enjoyed camp.
• An 8-year old came to camp knowing only minimal English.  The girl was homesick the first two nights, but otherwise smiled broadly, made friends and her English improved dramatically.

The success of each camper was less age-dependent and more aligned with the child’s independence, his or her ability to participate in a group and the signals a parent sent to his or her child.

Mull over these four questions as you consider if your child is ready for summer camp:

1. Has your child successfully completed a sleepover away from home?
2. Can your child participate in a group without having attention focused solely on him and his needs?  Camp is a place where everyone takes turns clearing the dining table, each camper helps keep the cabin neat, swimming is only allowed at designated times and other group norms are necessary.
3. Can your child be reasonably quiet for an extended rest time and after taps?
4. Are you as a parent comfortable supporting your child and letting her try out her own wings without your constant vigilance?

These aren’t meant to be yes or no questions, as each can be enhanced just by being at camp.  But if your child has gone to several sleepovers and each time the host parent has called at 11 p.m. for you to pick up your son, he may not yet be ready for camp.  Or if your child is 6 or 7 and hasn’t yet learned how to participate as a member of a group, then you may want to wait a year before you register her.

On the other hand, a child doesn’t need to be pleading to go to summer camp.  A timid child may enthusiastically embrace camp. 

A family who offers positive encouragement and a child who is able to learn how to cooperate in a group is ready for the gift of sleep-away summer camp.

Connecting with Camp as the Days Shorten

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October is here and the long lazy days of both last and next summer seem ages away. Yet out of sight doesn’t need to be out of mind for summer camp. Especially for kids who are making a transition to a new home or a new school, maintaining connections with summer camp friends can offer comfort and confidence.

The following are a few ways your child may want to maintain his or her summer camp connections.

Camp websites: Many summer camps keep photos posted from previous summers. Sit with your camper and go through the photos, allowing her to tell you the stories the pictures invoke.

Camp gatherings: Find out if your camp hosts local reunions or visits camp fairs in the fall or winter.

Visit a camp friend: While it may seem like camp friends are scattered far and wide, many may be living in the same state—perhaps only an hour drive away. Help your camper plan a visit for a weekend with a camp friend.

School assignments: Innumerable school assignments are ideal for a camper to reminisce about summer camp. Whether writing a third grade poem on riflery at the camp range or composing a personal essay for a college application, summer camp offers a plethora of topics for completing assignments.

On-line: If your child is old enough to use a facebook account, keeping up with camp friends is easy and immediate. Or simply sending emails can keep a friendship current.

Postal Mail: And every camper is versed in writing letters and sending them via the post office. There’s nothing like finding a personal letter from a camp friend in the mailbox!

How do you keep in touch with camp friends after camp has closed?

Our Comfort Zone

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The trunk is pack and loaded into the back of the car with a few stuffed animals perched on top. You’re driving on I-95 north to take your daughter to summer camp for the first time. Your daughter has been sitting quietly in the back seat; she didn’t eat any breakfast, so you know the butterflies are increasing. Yours too. You’re proud that you haven’t teared up in front of her yet. Then you hear the lyrics on the radio, “That’s my daughter in the water every time she fell I caught her. Every time she fell.” The tears fill your eyes; you blink them back so you can keep driving as a lump forms in your throat, and change the station.

Taking a child to camp for the first time is a huge transition—and not just for the child who will be making choices on a daily basis without parental input. Summer camp is also a significant transition for a parent. For many parents, having a child attend summer camp is outside of their comfort zones. You will miss chatting with him at breakfast, playing hopscotch in the driveway, tucking her in at night. Acknowledge your feelings with someone who shares your parenting values; someone who also appreciates the friendships, confidence and life skills that can blossom in a summer camp experience. As parents we need to reach outside of our comfort zones at times to make the world a better place, to live life to the fullest, to do our best as parents.

Recognizing that taking your daughter to camp is as momentous for you as for her, is important. You can help her by being positive and realistic. It’s okay to let your camper know that you will miss her, but you also need to reassure her that you will be fine while she’s at camp. Once you get your child settled at camp and you are back home, take time to let your rush of emotions envelop you. Call a friend who has camper children and share your turbulent feelings of change. Go for a run and talk out loud. Summer camp is a major transition for the camper and her parent, one that can have a positive impact for both of you as well as your relationship with one another for years to come.  What worked for you after taking your child to camp for the first time?

Responding to A Sad Letter from Your Camper

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Elation: Opening your mailbox and finding a letter from your camper!
Deflation: Reading the letter and discovering that she’s lonely or homesick or feeling left out.

Receiving a sad letter from your camper is difficult and highly emotional. Often it is best to set the letter aside and think—perhaps even talk out loud with a spouse or a friend before responding. Consider whether the incident or concern is urgent and you need to call the director, or is your camper just experiencing a low because he wasn’t recognized at the weekly camp fire or she still hasn’t learned how to do the back float and everyone else can?

If you feel you need to call the camp director keep in mind that you have only received one side of the story. Be certain to ask for the director’s perspective. For more suggestions on calling the camp director read an earlier post Calling the Camp Director.

If, on the other hand, writing a letter in return is appropriate here are a few guidelines:

• Acknowledge Your Camper’s Feelings 

      What seems like a minor matter to you, is often a much larger issue from the perspective of a 10 year old.

• Stay Constructive 

     “What a jerk he is!” may make you feel better momentarily, but is unlikely to help your camper find a positive resolution. Perhaps you can suggest she talk with her counselor or another adult she is close to at camp.

• Remember that Dealing With Interpersonal Issues is Part of the Camp Experience

     Offering parental guidance in moderation can be helpful. But keep in mind that learning how to deal with non-life threatening situations on her own is part of the value of sending your daughter to camp.

• Be Aware Time Keeps Moving Forward

     From the time the incident occurred and your daughter wrote and mailed the letter, until you received the letter and finally until she receives your response could be up to a week( or more if you’re in Canada and there’s a postal strike!)  In that amount of time any number of personal transgressions may have been resolved. Consequently, dwelling on the topic for an entire sheet of paper may be excessive. Address the issue, let your camper know you care and are here for her, and then move on. Include a funny story from your childhood if that is helpful. Or add a riddle or joke or something light to bring a smile or laugh.

If you stay positive, your child is more likely to internalize your positive outlook and be able to deal with whatever issue may have come and gone by the time your letter is received.

Questions to Ask When Selecting a Summer Camp

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Now is the time to start planning for summer camp.  There are numerous camp fairs in February and March.  Check out http://www.acacamps.org/camp-fairs for a list of fairs throughout the country.   Many camps also host gatherings for current and prospective campers around the country, so check out the web sites of camps you are considering to see what gatherings they have planned.

There are many excellent overnight camps for children that are ACA accredited.  To find the right camp for your child consider both what you and your child are looking for in a summer camp experience as well as camp foundations.  Does your child have a particular interest that he or she wants to pursue—overnight hiking trips, a particular sport, an artistic interest?  How close or far from home are you willing to send your child to camp and for how long?   Are you looking for a girls camp, boys camp or a coed camp?  When evaluating the camp foundations look at the camp values, the staff to camper ratio, the tuition, returning campers and staff.

As you are considering alternative camps for your child be sure to meet the directors of prospective camps and ideally also talk with parents of current campers.  You can learn a lot about a camp from the attitude of current parents.  Following are some questions that may help you get started in a conversation.

For a conversation with camp parents

1.     Why did you send your child to this camp?

2.     Did your child have any transitional issues at camp?

3.     What were the best elements of camp for your child?

4.     What was most difficult for your child at camp?

5.     What did your child learn at camp?

6.     Did your child make any new friends at camp?

For a conversation with camp directors

1.     Are you ACA accredited?

2.     What are the camp values?

3.     How long has the camp been operating and how long have you directed the camp?

4.     What is the staff to camper ratio?

5.     How many campers and staff return year to year?

6.     How long are the camp sessions and how many sessions do most campers attend?

7.     What are your visitation policies for parents?

8.     What activities are offered?

9.     How much choice do the campers have in which activities to pursue?

What else would you want to know about a camp before sending your child?  What do you wish you had known about a camp before you sent your child?

Gift Ideas for Summer Campers

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Looking for a few gift ideas for the summer campers in your life?
Well, look no further. Whether you are finding gifts for your own children, grandchildren, nieces or nephews, you can create a gift and presentation sure to please.

First, consider the activities your child loves most at camp. Is he a sailor? A hiker? A woodworker? A nature enthusiast? Tailor your gift selection to the particular interests of your camper. Here are a few examples.

Hiker:

• New backpack
• Head lamp
• Day pack
• Hiking Guide to the White Mountains, Green Mountains, Appalachian Trail or wherever your camper hikes
• Compass
• Water bottle with camp logo
• Wool socks—not exciting, but necessary

Sailor:

• Sailing gloves—look for fingerless kayaking gloves for a less expensive and equally effective option.
• PFD
• Water-resistant watch with a timer
• Sailing rules book such as Dave Perry’s Understanding the Racing Rules of Sailing

Wood shop enthusiast:

• Swiss Army Knife
• Reference books for carving

Nature Enthusiast:

• Compass
• Pocket Naturalist Guides (animal tracks, night sky, wilderness survival and many more)
• National Geographic Backyard Guide to the Night Sky
• Nature Journal
• Sketch pad and pencils
• Day pack

Kayaker:

• Kayaking gloves
• Spray skirt
• PFD
• Dry bag

Second, encapsulate a camp memory as a gift. For instance, frame a summer photo from camp. Many camps have photos available for download or sale on their websites. Or ask your camper’s friend for a high resolution copy of a fun friends photo from the summer. Make a high quality print and frame it in a friends themed frame from Target, Amazon or your local photo shop.

You can also capture memories in a playlist tailored to camp. If your child’s camp has recorded songs you can start with those, add in traditional camp songs like ‘Titanic’ or ‘Little Green Frog’. Or take a theme like friendship and create a playlist around songs about friends.

Capture a year’s worth of memories in a calendar full of camp photos. Include special dates like opening and closing days for camp, and birthdays of camp friends.

Third, remember to visit your child’s camp website. Many camps sell items with camp logos such as caps, water bottles, journals, and stickers.

Lastly, don’t overlook the gift of a summer at camp. If you send a child to camp you can make a presentation of the ultimate camp gift—you are giving a child the time to be immersed in a new environment, bond with friends, build self-confidence, learn new skills and live life lessons. Create a personalized card to give your child as a reminder of the gift of summer camp, wrap it up and present it with intention.

In the middle of the winter, a reminder of long summer days at camp is an ideal gift for your summer camper. What are your best ideas for gift giving to campers? What would you like to receive as a camper?

End of Camp Transitions

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The day to pick up your daughter from camp has finally arrived! You wake up early, getting ready to go like it’s your first day of school, finding the car keys and hitting the road in time to arrive precisely at 9 am. You can’t keep the smile off your face as you eagerly anticipate the big hug when you see her, all the stories she will want to share, and getting ready for your family vacation together. So when you step out of your car at camp and she’s nowhere in sight you’re a bit let down, but not too much, she probably just needed to run back to her cabin for a forgotten towel. Looking around you see clumps of girls, a few smiles, a lot of tears, lots of cameras and group hugs as other parents load up their cars with trunks and sleeping bags and the accumulations of a summer at camp. Ah ha! You spot her coming through the pines arm in arm with another girl, laughing together! You wave to her, she spots you and immediately her laughter stops, her shoulders slump and she says something quietly to her friend. Are those tears you see building in her eyes? Tears of joy at seeing you? Likely not if she has enjoyed her time at camp.

If your daughter has spent previous happy summers at camp, then you likely recognize bits and pieces of this scenario as they have played out in your life on camp pick up day. We all hope our children find companionship, independence and confidence in their lives. Yet we still sigh as we watch our children achieving these milestones without us.

Balancing your need for interaction with your daughter’s need for transition is not easy. Here are some suggestions I have received from camp parents over the years.

• Give her space and time to say her good-byes, but don’t prolong the parting. Just as when you dropped her off, better not to linger excessively
• Let her stay quiet in the car, play her favorite radio station and don’t try to start a conversation
• Have a new magazine or two waiting at home for her
• Have a few outings in mind, but let her have several days at home before departing for a family vacation. This is helpful not only because she needs the downtime, but also because her immune system may have gone into overload the last few days at camp with little sleep and high stress. So give her time to recharge
• Similarly, no need to have the hair cut, orthodontist appointment and eye exam all on the day she returns from camp
• Other than the wet towels and bathing suits which may mildew in her trunk, give her the time and space to unpack as she’s ready
• Have meals at home— perhaps make her favorite dinner or dessert

• Have lots of fresh fruit on hand—a variety of fresh fruit isn’t always available at camp
• Let her sleep!
• Ask her to join you and her siblings in a card game or other game she enjoys, but don’t pester her if she chooses to pass
• Listen to the stories she wants to share rather than trying to guide the conversation to the questions you want answered

Given the time and space she needs to transition she will return to her place in the family—perhaps with more confidence, new skills and greater cooperation.

If you have picked up a daughter from camp, what has worked well in your family getting ready for pick up or in the first few days home?

Calling the Camp Director

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You’ve just received a distressing letter from your camper—she’s homesick, or a cabin-mate has been teasing her, or she’s never been picked to captain a team. Or you see a photo on the camp website and her hair looks like a rat’s nest—does it ever get combed? Should you call the camp? Call your camper? Write her a letter? Send an email?

With the explosion of communication between camp, camper and parents, it’s not uncommon for a parent to quickly place a phone call or send an email every time a concern is raised. Certainly it’s important to raise issues that may have gone unnoticed or unresolved. Sometimes it’s necessary simply to calm your own parental anxiety.

However, before sending that email or placing the call, put the incident in perspective. Her hair is a mess in a photo? Is it a mess in every photo? Are you usually the one who reminds her to comb her hair before school or combs out the tangles for her? Would it be beneficial if she could learn to brush her hair herself? Are there significant health or safety concerns if her hair continues to be tangled?

Perhaps your daughter has written you about being teased. Teasing can often go undetected beyond the tormentor and the target. Such a situation may well warrant a calm phone call to the director to discuss what your daughter has written as well as to listen to what the director has heard from the cabin counselors. Remember that every communication should be two-way—air your concern, but also listen to what else has occurred and how the situation may already be resolved.

This is particularly true for homesickness. A homesick incident written on a Tuesday, mailed on a Wednesday and not received by you until Friday may be entirely forgotten before the letter was even in transit. A composed phone call with the director can help calm your anxiety and offer you additional insight into how your daughter is currently faring. Most camp directors have dealt with a variety of homesick campers and have been trained in strategies to best manage each individual’s situation. Raising your concerns with the director can be helpful for you, your daughter and her counselors.

Also keep in mind that every camp has its own policy on communication between the camper and parents. Many camps work to keep camper phone calls at a minimum, if they are allowed at all, as phone calls can be disruptive to the child’s camp experience and inhibit the child’s independence and self-confidence. So more often than not, if you have a significant concern about your child’s well-being, it is far better to contact the camp office rather than your camper.

There are unquestionably times to contact the camp and the camp directors want to ensure that your daughter is experiencing the fullness of camp. On the other hand, camp is also about learning independence, self-confidence and new skills. A new skill may be learning how to shoot an arrow, or it may be how to brush your hair yourself, make your bed or get along living in close quarters with others. So when an issue arises, take a moment before calling the camp office or sending an email and put your concern in perspective.

Tips for a Sucessful Camp Drop Off

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Taking a daughter to camp, especially the very first time, can be as exciting and worrying for the parent as it is for the camper. The key to a successful drop off on the first day of camp is to ensure both your and your child's needs are met in the transition. For your child, she needs to integrate with her peers and make a connection to camp life so she has a focal point other than the goodbye. Whether your child is clingy or independent, you need to balance giving her space and support to make that camp connection. Your child can sense if you are distressed about leaving her, so it's also important for you to assure yourself that your child is in good hands. 

A few tips for balancing your needs and your child's needs on the first day of camp:

• Meet her counselors— learn their names.

• Meet any cabin-mates who are around. 

• Introduce yourself to other parents—this gives your daughter time to connect with her peers on her own.

• Help your daughter arrange a few items—maybe a photo she has brought from home, a jacket or laundry bag hung up. This setting up is truly more for the parent than the child. A parent wants to visualize her daughter’s space. For a camper, setting up is just a transitional pause before merging into camp life.

• Well run camps will have transitional activities for the arriving campers whether they head directly to a meal, an activity or gather for a craft. When it’s time for her to integrate into the flow, let her go. No need to fuss over how the pillow is arranged on her bed or whether her flashlight in conveniently located.

• Leave a card and small gift—a book, card game, activity book—for her on her bunk as a surprise when she returns to her cabin. 

• Say goodbye quickly, don’t linger. Once you have said goodbye, it is time for you to leave.

• Smile as you depart—you want your daughter to think of you as happy that she’s at camp.

Taking a Daughter to Camp

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Preparing for my daughter’s summer at camp was easy; meeting the reality of a good-bye was exceedingly difficult. I wanted a bear hug and “I’ll miss you Mama.” She wanted a quick hug and a kiss and a chance to melt into the new found group of girls.

It seemed the snow bank was still knee high at the end of our driveway the day she began packing her trunk. Each afternoon after completing her homework, she’d ask, “Can I go up and pack now?” The first several times she asked, I quizzically responded, “But your trunk is packed.” “Not the new underwear you bought me,” she’d reply. Or, “I have a newly sharpened pencil to pack.” And so it went for an entire month of anticipation. Each day pulling everything out and rearranging the entire contents as the newly acquired item always seemed to need to be packed on the bottom of the trunk.

The day before we were to drop her off, she became very quiet. Perhaps the reality was beginning to settle on her. By lunch the day we drove to camp, her vocabulary had diminished to “No thank you” and “I’m not hungry.” I made her favorite meal for lunch— she managed to eek one noodle from her fork to her mouth before uttering, “I’m not hungry.” The butterflies were gathering.

When we got to camp the first stop was a check in with the nurse. The nurse, being friendly, asked what my daughter was looking forward to doing at camp this summer. “Making a friend,” was her quiet reply. Tears filled my eyes; this would certainly be a difficult good-bye. Would she make a friend? Would she be happy? Would her counselor put her covers back on when they fell off at night?

At her cabin she selected her bunk without any fuss and although I wanted to help her unpack and get settled, she simply wanted to change into her uniform and head to the playground with 2 other girls in her cabin. I worried when she only put one blanket on her bed (it gets cold in Maine at night!). I wanted to arrange the photos that she had brought from home and hang up her laundry bag and bathing suits and towel. She quickly changed, selecting footwear to match her cabin mates and headed out as a camper. We followed, her sister and father and I, and although we were close behind we watched her move farther and farther from us, finding her own way, understanding the need to belong and looking for a way to belong. 

How did your drop off go?  Who had the most difficult time saying good-bye?

Quick Tips for Writing to a Camper

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The rest bell rings and campers race to the mailboxes to see what awaits. Samantha Saylor arrives first and grabs the stack of envelopes from the S box, quickly reading through the addressee names.

“Santos, Smith, Santos, Strickland, Surrey, Santos, Smith, Shen, finally Saylor!, Santos, Santos, how many friends and family does Santos have?!, Shen, Sargent, another one for Saylor, Santos, Steinberg, Santos”

Samantha hands the stack to the anxiously awaiting Strickland and heads off with her two letters. The high point of mail time has passed—sorting through the envelopes and finding the envelopes with her name on them. Even opening and reading the mail can’t eclipse the excitement of reading through the addressee names.

So take this as your first tip in writing your camper—mail, any mail, is better than no mail. And the contents of the letter or postcard are far less important than the fact that correspondence has been received. Still, writing about your commute to work, or grocery shopping will pale in comparison to a note including a funny story about trying to pick blueberries in the rain or fixing the leaky faucet and getting soaked in the process.

Here are some quick tips for writing your camper this summer:

1. Write short, frequent letters rather than long occasional notes
2. Include interesting flat items such as a newspaper comic or a photo
3. Sprinkle in a few riddles
4. Take some time to doodle
5. Include a short, funny story. Nothing happened on your commute to work or in your office? Find a few short jokes to include (there are plenty to be found on-line) or relate a story from your childhood.
6. Comment on your camper’s most recent letter—great job on learning how to serve in tennis or how cool that her cabin mate is from Montana.
7. Include a game like hang man, tic tac toe, or 20 questions on a second sheet of paper that the two of you can send back and forth over the summer to play.
8. Remember to write so your camper can read—many of the under 12 set cannot read cursive and that goes for many teens as well these days. 4 paragraphs of loopy handwriting will quickly be scanned for the signature at the end.

P.S. post scripts and post post scripts are always a big hit!

What writing tips for campers do you have?