Heading to Camp, Need Transition Advice

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Summer camp is in full swing for many campers, and a whole lot more are beginning to feel the trepidation of heading to camp in the next week.  If you need a few tips to help you from now through opening day drop-off read on.

Enjoy your time with your camper this week! 

Play card games, share a craft, sit and cuddle.  You are both headed for a transition.  Children absorb the anxiety that parents radiate, so try to maintain your own sense of calm and confidence.  As you hang out with your camper, listen to the questions and concerns she may have.  Let her know it’s natural to feel nervous, but reinforce the confidence you have in her to meet new friends and immerse herself in camp.  

Many camps have websites with photos from the summer so far. Look at the photos together and share what she may be thinking.

Remain positive.  

If your camper is experiencing anxiety over homesickness from last year, acknowledge his anxiety. Reassure your child that each summer brings new opportunities and new faces.  There will be campers who have never been to camp before and your returning camper can help those campers learn the ropes at camp. Share a few strategies with your child to manage a difficult situation, whether it may be using pull-ups at bedtime or needing a nightlight or being nervous about not knowing how to swim.  Encourage your camper to talk with her counselor if she has a concern— the counselors are enthusiastic and supportive role models and caregivers for your camper.

Pack Light.  

Campers' days are filled with activities, and often their free time is playing a game of roots and rocks or other made-up games that don’t need any equipment. Save a few goodies, like a madlibs or a craft project to send to him in a care package while he is at camp.  Keep the trunk light and clutter-free.

Say Good-bye Cheerfully.

When you take your daughter to camp and are ready to say good-bye, look her in the eye and with a big smile tell her you will see her soon and are looking forward to hearing all about her time at camp.  Counselors are trained to scoop up campers and introduce them to camp. A book or an upbeat card left on her bed can be a fun surprise for her when she returns to her cabin.  

Turn around and walk to your car, don’t let him see you cry.  You are giving your camper an incredible gift.  It is usually much harder for the parent to leave a child at camp than it is for the child to get into the camping routine.

If you have any last minute concerns, check in with your camp directors.  Let your child make her own way in the precious present.

Top 5 Benefits of Camp

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The snow may be piling up, but the days are lengthening— Think Camp!  Why camp?  Because overnight summer camp provides the foundation for many character elements we want to instill in our children.

Here are my top five benefits of summer camp:

Independence.  When a child needs to take care of the basics from addressing and stamping her own letters home to refilling the cornbread platter or changing out of her bathing suit and even (gasp!) hanging it up to dry, she is shaping her independence.  Independence is a skill that is vital to success throughout life and great preparation for that day in the distant future when she heads off to college.

Self-confidence.  Every day at camp a camper has the opportunity to try myriad pursuits whether holding the tiller of a sailboat for the first time or trying a new dive or leading a camp song by the campfire or feeding a goat.  Trying a new pursuit and working diligently to become proficient are the foundations of how we each build self-confidence.  Summer camp is a playground of new opportunities where every camper can try something new.

Precious present.  In a world of electronics and hustle and bustle we all need time to slow down and be immersed in the precious present.  Summer camp is a place to reconnect with the precious present as you hold a frog gently in your hands and watch it watch you.

Positive role models.  Most summer camps pride themselves on the care their staff bestows upon each and every camper.  Year after year young men and women return to summer camps to make positive connections with their campers.  One may help an eight year old perfect his baseball

swing. Another laughs with her campers heading to morning dip.  A third invites a quiet child to join in a game of spud.  Many sit quietly with campers by the water’s edge to watch the sunset.  We all need mentors and summer camps are filled with positive role models every child should have.  Plus according to this New York Times blog camp counselors can out-parent parents.

Camaraderie. How many times have I heard a former camper reflect nostalgically on camp saying, “I could be myself at camp, no pretenses like at school.”  Campers return summer after summer for the camaraderie they find among friends who accept them for who they are. 

Here are views from a few other folks who know something about camp and kids:

• American Camp Association
• PBS Kids

What are the benefits you see your child receiving at summer camp?

In a word: Relationships

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A word cloud formed from blogs on the value of overnight camp for campers and counselors conveys the essence of camp, and perhaps, of life—relationships. 

Relationships with friends and campers and counselors, and yes with parents too.  

Relationships with counselors who live in the moment and serve as valuable role models for children. 

Relationships among campers who learn and grow to meet their potential, who arrive with trepidation and leave camp with memories and lives changed through the relationships they form each summer.

Relationships between children and parents who give the gift of summer camp knowing a child can gain more self-confidence and responsibility in a few weeks of summer fun than nearly anywhere else in life.

Look into an overnight summer camp experience for your child this year.  

The blogs on which this cloud are based:

• 10 Reasons Why Businesses Should Hire Former Camp Counselors
• 5 Life Lessons Learned from Sleep-Away Camp
• What's Needed to Prepare Your Child for the Future? The Answer May Surprise You...
• Counselors Benefit from Camp Too!

Welcome Home Gifts

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Summer camps are finishing up their fun-filled summers. How do you welcome your camper home? Here are a few gifts you can give to help him or her readjust to non-camp living.

1. Space 

Sure they have been living cot to cot, maybe 50 campers sharing one bathroom and well over a hundred in the dining hall, yet somehow close quarters doesn’t translate well to family living.

2. Time 

You may have been anxiously waiting 7 weeks for their return, but your camper may well be on a totally different time scale. Don’t expect instant re-engagement in family life—give him time. Going from 24 hour camp interaction to hanging out with mom and dad and little brother is abrupt.

3. Unfettered Internet Access 

“What?!” you may be thinking, “she just spent the better part of a summer separated from technology and you’re advocating that she plug right back in?!” If she had access prior to camp she’s going to want to post her camp photos and yes, check in with the camp friends she just said good-bye to all of two hours ago.

 4. Movie Out 

Most campers don’t get out to movies during the summer, so there are likely several showing that he would like to see before school is back in session. Let him pick what to see for a family night out.

5. Chauffeur 

 An alternative to heading to a movie as a family, you can offer to drive her with friends to a movie, the beach or an amusement park. Many of the other parents may be chauffeured out by August, so step up and stay quiet behind the steering wheel.

6. Magazine 

Pick up a copy of People or Us or some other weekly magazine for your camper to flip through without too much thought. Potentially gives you a visual on your camper as he may sit nearby as he mindlessly flips pages. Gives your camper both time and space, see above.

7. Book 

For more avid readers have a new book waiting as an option to give her both time and space.

8. Favorite Dinner or Dessert 

While the food at camp may have been delicious, it’s unlikely the cook knew exactly how to prepare her favorite pasta, brownie raspberry sundaes or peach pancakes. Now is a great time to cook up a few favorites.

9. Frame 

Most photos are retained digitally these days, but it can be fun to have a favorite summer memory on her dresser or bedside table. Find a summer or friend-themed frame to have waiting for her and then let her chose a summer photo for you to print.

Making the Most of Visiting Day

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Like many parents we are eagerly awaiting our first visiting day with our daughter at camp. After not seeing her for nearly 3 weeks, we imagine her broad smile as she catches a glimpse of me and my husband walking into camp and her racing beneath the pine trees arms outstretched to give us both a big hug around the neck. Ah, the sweetness of daydreams.

I still clearly remember the first time my parents visited me after 3 ½ weeks at camp. I wasn’t all smiles and joy, eager to share with them every moment of my leisurely days by the lake. I felt awkward introducing them to my friends and even felt like they were trespassing on my turf.

We need to remember that we are the foreigners on visiting day. Despite the fact that we raised them, helped them with homework, drove them to countless soccer matches and gymnastics meets, we may as well be just another viewer in the crowd at the Fourth of July parade for all of the attention our campers may chose to lavish upon us when we show up at ‘their’ camps. And make no mistake; it is theirs—their home, their friends, their place, their independence.

Some campers may run up and give mom or dad or grandpa a big hug and eagerly begin storytelling. However, an equal number may sit back and timidly acknowledge us as parents before running off for a game of tetherball without so much as a backward glance.

What to do?

Be Patient 

If your camper is reticent to hang out with you, be patient. Give her time to adjust to your presence in her place.


Be Present 
You have a great opportunity to get a feel for the place he is living. Be observant, meet his counselor, talk with the director, look around camp.


Be Pleased 
One of the benefits of summer camp is the opportunity for a child to gain independence. If your child isn’t running into your arms to ask you to wash her bathing suit or what she should do because her flashlight isn’t working , then perhaps she is starting to gain self-reliance.


Be Positive 
When he is ready to hang out with you, listen to the stories he has to share without judgment. Let your child be comfortable that your visit won’t upset his equilibrium. Take in all that he wants to share.

Our daydreams may not materialize on visiting day, but with patience and a positive outlook we can leave our visit content that our child is soaking up the essence of summer camp.

Connecting with Camp as the Days Shorten

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October is here and the long lazy days of both last and next summer seem ages away. Yet out of sight doesn’t need to be out of mind for summer camp. Especially for kids who are making a transition to a new home or a new school, maintaining connections with summer camp friends can offer comfort and confidence.

The following are a few ways your child may want to maintain his or her summer camp connections.

Camp websites: Many summer camps keep photos posted from previous summers. Sit with your camper and go through the photos, allowing her to tell you the stories the pictures invoke.

Camp gatherings: Find out if your camp hosts local reunions or visits camp fairs in the fall or winter.

Visit a camp friend: While it may seem like camp friends are scattered far and wide, many may be living in the same state—perhaps only an hour drive away. Help your camper plan a visit for a weekend with a camp friend.

School assignments: Innumerable school assignments are ideal for a camper to reminisce about summer camp. Whether writing a third grade poem on riflery at the camp range or composing a personal essay for a college application, summer camp offers a plethora of topics for completing assignments.

On-line: If your child is old enough to use a facebook account, keeping up with camp friends is easy and immediate. Or simply sending emails can keep a friendship current.

Postal Mail: And every camper is versed in writing letters and sending them via the post office. There’s nothing like finding a personal letter from a camp friend in the mailbox!

How do you keep in touch with camp friends after camp has closed?

Our Comfort Zone

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The trunk is pack and loaded into the back of the car with a few stuffed animals perched on top. You’re driving on I-95 north to take your daughter to summer camp for the first time. Your daughter has been sitting quietly in the back seat; she didn’t eat any breakfast, so you know the butterflies are increasing. Yours too. You’re proud that you haven’t teared up in front of her yet. Then you hear the lyrics on the radio, “That’s my daughter in the water every time she fell I caught her. Every time she fell.” The tears fill your eyes; you blink them back so you can keep driving as a lump forms in your throat, and change the station.

Taking a child to camp for the first time is a huge transition—and not just for the child who will be making choices on a daily basis without parental input. Summer camp is also a significant transition for a parent. For many parents, having a child attend summer camp is outside of their comfort zones. You will miss chatting with him at breakfast, playing hopscotch in the driveway, tucking her in at night. Acknowledge your feelings with someone who shares your parenting values; someone who also appreciates the friendships, confidence and life skills that can blossom in a summer camp experience. As parents we need to reach outside of our comfort zones at times to make the world a better place, to live life to the fullest, to do our best as parents.

Recognizing that taking your daughter to camp is as momentous for you as for her, is important. You can help her by being positive and realistic. It’s okay to let your camper know that you will miss her, but you also need to reassure her that you will be fine while she’s at camp. Once you get your child settled at camp and you are back home, take time to let your rush of emotions envelop you. Call a friend who has camper children and share your turbulent feelings of change. Go for a run and talk out loud. Summer camp is a major transition for the camper and her parent, one that can have a positive impact for both of you as well as your relationship with one another for years to come.  What worked for you after taking your child to camp for the first time?

Responding to A Sad Letter from Your Camper

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Elation: Opening your mailbox and finding a letter from your camper!
Deflation: Reading the letter and discovering that she’s lonely or homesick or feeling left out.

Receiving a sad letter from your camper is difficult and highly emotional. Often it is best to set the letter aside and think—perhaps even talk out loud with a spouse or a friend before responding. Consider whether the incident or concern is urgent and you need to call the director, or is your camper just experiencing a low because he wasn’t recognized at the weekly camp fire or she still hasn’t learned how to do the back float and everyone else can?

If you feel you need to call the camp director keep in mind that you have only received one side of the story. Be certain to ask for the director’s perspective. For more suggestions on calling the camp director read an earlier post Calling the Camp Director.

If, on the other hand, writing a letter in return is appropriate here are a few guidelines:

• Acknowledge Your Camper’s Feelings 

      What seems like a minor matter to you, is often a much larger issue from the perspective of a 10 year old.

• Stay Constructive 

     “What a jerk he is!” may make you feel better momentarily, but is unlikely to help your camper find a positive resolution. Perhaps you can suggest she talk with her counselor or another adult she is close to at camp.

• Remember that Dealing With Interpersonal Issues is Part of the Camp Experience

     Offering parental guidance in moderation can be helpful. But keep in mind that learning how to deal with non-life threatening situations on her own is part of the value of sending your daughter to camp.

• Be Aware Time Keeps Moving Forward

     From the time the incident occurred and your daughter wrote and mailed the letter, until you received the letter and finally until she receives your response could be up to a week( or more if you’re in Canada and there’s a postal strike!)  In that amount of time any number of personal transgressions may have been resolved. Consequently, dwelling on the topic for an entire sheet of paper may be excessive. Address the issue, let your camper know you care and are here for her, and then move on. Include a funny story from your childhood if that is helpful. Or add a riddle or joke or something light to bring a smile or laugh.

If you stay positive, your child is more likely to internalize your positive outlook and be able to deal with whatever issue may have come and gone by the time your letter is received.

How to Calm Pre-Camp Jitters

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So the weather is turning warmer. Way back in the cold, short days of winter, living on a lake with 100 other girls, playing, laughing, swimming, boating sounded fabulous. Now that the end of school is nearing, the reality of heading off to sleep away camp is starting to materialize. Jitters and nervousness are to be expected—both for the camper and his or her parents.

Here are a few suggestions on how to respond when you hear “Mommy, what if I don’t like it and I want to come home?”

You want be able to swoop in and pick her up and make her feel better. But that may not be the best option for your child.

It is important to respond honestly to your child. Many camps have specific policies that channel all phone calls to the camp directors rather than having a parent call a child directly. Calling your child can heighten his homesickness, and make a complete and happy transition to camp life more difficult.  Along with suggestions the camp directors give you on how they deal with jitters, here are some ways to calm your child’s concerns.

• Visit the camp before you drop your child off. If camp is in session before your child starts, then stop by the camp several weeks in advance, take a tour and give your child a chance to meet some of the staff and current campers. Being familiar with her surroundings will make her transition when she comes to stay easier.
  

• Assure your child that on the day you take him to camp, you will find an adult whom your camper can go to if he is feeling sad or homesick. Then be certain to follow through. Knowing that his parent will find at least one adult as a confidante can be reassuring.
  

• Make a list with your child of activities she can do when she’s feeling sad. Together sit down and talk through when she may feel sad and what she can do. Perhaps it will be at bedtime when she is used to having you tuck her in. Or maybe it’s first thing in the morning when she needs someone to help her decide whether to put on a sweatshirt. Having strategies will help her feel more confident and more able to cope with homesickness. You may put activities on the list such as writing you a letter, exploring with a friend, reading a favorite book, talking to a counselor.

Above all, ensure you are honest with your child. Certainly if it were a dire situation you would go pick him up from camp. But in the normal course of events, including homesickness, your child is much more likely to adapt if you give him the time and space to make a complete transition. So if you don’t intend on picking him up after one night then don’t tell him “just call and I’ll come get you honey.” Tell him how much you love him, how wonderful it is that he is trying something new, that it is normal to feel nervous and there are many strategies to help him adjust to his camp life. Let her know that you look forward to receiving her letters and she can certainly write how she is feeling—she can tell you when she feels sad and she can tell you about when she laughed and the people she has met.

Questions to Ask When Selecting a Summer Camp

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Now is the time to start planning for summer camp.  There are numerous camp fairs in February and March.  Check out http://www.acacamps.org/camp-fairs for a list of fairs throughout the country.   Many camps also host gatherings for current and prospective campers around the country, so check out the web sites of camps you are considering to see what gatherings they have planned.

There are many excellent overnight camps for children that are ACA accredited.  To find the right camp for your child consider both what you and your child are looking for in a summer camp experience as well as camp foundations.  Does your child have a particular interest that he or she wants to pursue—overnight hiking trips, a particular sport, an artistic interest?  How close or far from home are you willing to send your child to camp and for how long?   Are you looking for a girls camp, boys camp or a coed camp?  When evaluating the camp foundations look at the camp values, the staff to camper ratio, the tuition, returning campers and staff.

As you are considering alternative camps for your child be sure to meet the directors of prospective camps and ideally also talk with parents of current campers.  You can learn a lot about a camp from the attitude of current parents.  Following are some questions that may help you get started in a conversation.

For a conversation with camp parents

1.     Why did you send your child to this camp?

2.     Did your child have any transitional issues at camp?

3.     What were the best elements of camp for your child?

4.     What was most difficult for your child at camp?

5.     What did your child learn at camp?

6.     Did your child make any new friends at camp?

For a conversation with camp directors

1.     Are you ACA accredited?

2.     What are the camp values?

3.     How long has the camp been operating and how long have you directed the camp?

4.     What is the staff to camper ratio?

5.     How many campers and staff return year to year?

6.     How long are the camp sessions and how many sessions do most campers attend?

7.     What are your visitation policies for parents?

8.     What activities are offered?

9.     How much choice do the campers have in which activities to pursue?

What else would you want to know about a camp before sending your child?  What do you wish you had known about a camp before you sent your child?

End of Camp Transitions

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The day to pick up your daughter from camp has finally arrived! You wake up early, getting ready to go like it’s your first day of school, finding the car keys and hitting the road in time to arrive precisely at 9 am. You can’t keep the smile off your face as you eagerly anticipate the big hug when you see her, all the stories she will want to share, and getting ready for your family vacation together. So when you step out of your car at camp and she’s nowhere in sight you’re a bit let down, but not too much, she probably just needed to run back to her cabin for a forgotten towel. Looking around you see clumps of girls, a few smiles, a lot of tears, lots of cameras and group hugs as other parents load up their cars with trunks and sleeping bags and the accumulations of a summer at camp. Ah ha! You spot her coming through the pines arm in arm with another girl, laughing together! You wave to her, she spots you and immediately her laughter stops, her shoulders slump and she says something quietly to her friend. Are those tears you see building in her eyes? Tears of joy at seeing you? Likely not if she has enjoyed her time at camp.

If your daughter has spent previous happy summers at camp, then you likely recognize bits and pieces of this scenario as they have played out in your life on camp pick up day. We all hope our children find companionship, independence and confidence in their lives. Yet we still sigh as we watch our children achieving these milestones without us.

Balancing your need for interaction with your daughter’s need for transition is not easy. Here are some suggestions I have received from camp parents over the years.

• Give her space and time to say her good-byes, but don’t prolong the parting. Just as when you dropped her off, better not to linger excessively
• Let her stay quiet in the car, play her favorite radio station and don’t try to start a conversation
• Have a new magazine or two waiting at home for her
• Have a few outings in mind, but let her have several days at home before departing for a family vacation. This is helpful not only because she needs the downtime, but also because her immune system may have gone into overload the last few days at camp with little sleep and high stress. So give her time to recharge
• Similarly, no need to have the hair cut, orthodontist appointment and eye exam all on the day she returns from camp
• Other than the wet towels and bathing suits which may mildew in her trunk, give her the time and space to unpack as she’s ready
• Have meals at home— perhaps make her favorite dinner or dessert

• Have lots of fresh fruit on hand—a variety of fresh fruit isn’t always available at camp
• Let her sleep!
• Ask her to join you and her siblings in a card game or other game she enjoys, but don’t pester her if she chooses to pass
• Listen to the stories she wants to share rather than trying to guide the conversation to the questions you want answered

Given the time and space she needs to transition she will return to her place in the family—perhaps with more confidence, new skills and greater cooperation.

If you have picked up a daughter from camp, what has worked well in your family getting ready for pick up or in the first few days home?