You’ve just received a distressing letter from your camper—she’s homesick, or a cabin-mate has been teasing her, or she’s never been picked to captain a team. Or you see a photo on the camp website and her hair looks like a rat’s nest—does it ever get combed? Should you call the camp? Call your camper? Write her a letter? Send an email?
With the explosion of communication between camp, camper and parents, it’s not uncommon for a parent to quickly place a phone call or send an email every time a concern is raised. Certainly it’s important to raise issues that may have gone unnoticed or unresolved. Sometimes it’s necessary simply to calm your own parental anxiety.
However, before sending that email or placing the call, put the incident in perspective. Her hair is a mess in a photo? Is it a mess in every photo? Are you usually the one who reminds her to comb her hair before school or combs out the tangles for her? Would it be beneficial if she could learn to brush her hair herself? Are there significant health or safety concerns if her hair continues to be tangled?
Perhaps your daughter has written you about being teased. Teasing can often go undetected beyond the tormentor and the target. Such a situation may well warrant a calm phone call to the director to discuss what your daughter has written as well as to listen to what the director has heard from the cabin counselors. Remember that every communication should be two-way—air your concern, but also listen to what else has occurred and how the situation may already be resolved.
This is particularly true for homesickness. A homesick incident written on a Tuesday, mailed on a Wednesday and not received by you until Friday may be entirely forgotten before the letter was even in transit. A composed phone call with the director can help calm your anxiety and offer you additional insight into how your daughter is currently faring. Most camp directors have dealt with a variety of homesick campers and have been trained in strategies to best manage each individual’s situation. Raising your concerns with the director can be helpful for you, your daughter and her counselors.
Also keep in mind that every camp has its own policy on communication between the camper and parents. Many camps work to keep camper phone calls at a minimum, if they are allowed at all, as phone calls can be disruptive to the child’s camp experience and inhibit the child’s independence and self-confidence. So more often than not, if you have a significant concern about your child’s well-being, it is far better to contact the camp office rather than your camper.
There are unquestionably times to contact the camp and the camp directors want to ensure that your daughter is experiencing the fullness of camp. On the other hand, camp is also about learning independence, self-confidence and new skills. A new skill may be learning how to shoot an arrow, or it may be how to brush your hair yourself, make your bed or get along living in close quarters with others. So when an issue arises, take a moment before calling the camp office or sending an email and put your concern in perspective.
Receiving a sad letter from your camper is difficult and highly emotional. Often it is best to set the letter aside and think—perhaps even talk out loud with a spouse or a friend before responding. Consider whether the incident or concern is urgent and you need to call the director, or is your camper just experiencing a low because he wasn’t recognized at the weekly camp fire or she still hasn’t learned how to do the back float and everyone else can?