Connecting with Camp as the Days Shorten

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October is here and the long lazy days of both last and next summer seem ages away. Yet out of sight doesn’t need to be out of mind for summer camp. Especially for kids who are making a transition to a new home or a new school, maintaining connections with summer camp friends can offer comfort and confidence.

The following are a few ways your child may want to maintain his or her summer camp connections.

Camp websites: Many summer camps keep photos posted from previous summers. Sit with your camper and go through the photos, allowing her to tell you the stories the pictures invoke.

Camp gatherings: Find out if your camp hosts local reunions or visits camp fairs in the fall or winter.

Visit a camp friend: While it may seem like camp friends are scattered far and wide, many may be living in the same state—perhaps only an hour drive away. Help your camper plan a visit for a weekend with a camp friend.

School assignments: Innumerable school assignments are ideal for a camper to reminisce about summer camp. Whether writing a third grade poem on riflery at the camp range or composing a personal essay for a college application, summer camp offers a plethora of topics for completing assignments.

On-line: If your child is old enough to use a facebook account, keeping up with camp friends is easy and immediate. Or simply sending emails can keep a friendship current.

Postal Mail: And every camper is versed in writing letters and sending them via the post office. There’s nothing like finding a personal letter from a camp friend in the mailbox!

How do you keep in touch with camp friends after camp has closed?

Visiting Summer Camp

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August is a great time to visit summer camps in Maine—visit in the next few weeks and you are likely to find the camps full of campers immersed in activities, working for honors, and playing in the water with friends. While a winter camp fair is a good place to ask the camp director lots of questions about camp (see Questions to Ask), a summer tour is more about gaining an appreciation for the pulse of the camp. Is this a place where your child would thrive in the summer?

A few tips to get the most out of your visits:

• Call ahead to let the director know you are coming. She or he will most likely be able to set aside some time to show you around or have another staff member show you camp.
• Bring your child with you!
• Ask when the best time is to visit. Right after lunch may fit your schedule best, but you may find that lunchtime at camp is later or the campers are at rest. You will likely get to know the camp best when the campers are engaged in activities.
• Find out if there is a weekly campfire or other gathering on the day you are visiting. There may be other parents who will be around camp at the same time who may be able to answer some of your questions as a parent.
• Find out if the camp has each family tour camp together or offers prospective campers a chance to interact with current campers without their parents. If so, talk to your child in advance so she isn’t surprised by the separation.
• While the staff likely is very happy to answer your questions, take the time to simply get the feeling of camp—is the energy level what you are looking for, do the campers look happy, are the variety of activities ones your child may be interested in trying?
• Finally, while summer camp can certainly help build lifelong friendships and skills, this isn’t a college tour and your child may be a bit overwhelmed to approach campers and strike up a conversation. Let your child simply absorb the place; selecting a summer camp is a decision that a parent can make.

New Approach to Care Packages

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The campers cluster around the mailboxes, eagerly scanning the newly posted package list. “Yeah I got one!” “Lily you got a package!” “YES!” can be heard as the campers spot their name or a friend’s name on the list. Often simply receiving a package is more important than the contents.

However, having sent numerous care packages over the years, and having covered the basics, I was looking for a new approach to putting together a package. My daughter’s camp discourages sending food and the Mad Libs have come home empty in past summers. My daughter hasn’t even had time to read the books she went to camp with. So what to send?

Rather than heading out to the store, I decided to look around the house to see what I could send.  I opened the junk drawer in my kitchen and peered in. I considered each object in turn:

• Cool pad of paper—check, that could easily be included
• Fun colored pens—pens are always running out, I put them in
• Rocks—okay there are plenty of rocks at camp, leave those in the junk drawer
• Bouncy ball—sure, small, lightweight, fun
• Rubber bands—hmm, not sure that would be so exciting
• An unused skein of gimp—so many uses, sure, I dropped it in the bag
• And way in the back—an old riddle book—paused and read that for a bit. This one had probably been forgotten about and would be enjoyed as if it were new.

I have only just sent the package, so I don’t know yet how well it was received. Guess I’ll just have to wait by my mailbox for a return letter. If you give it a try let us know what you find and how well it was received.

Our Comfort Zone

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The trunk is pack and loaded into the back of the car with a few stuffed animals perched on top. You’re driving on I-95 north to take your daughter to summer camp for the first time. Your daughter has been sitting quietly in the back seat; she didn’t eat any breakfast, so you know the butterflies are increasing. Yours too. You’re proud that you haven’t teared up in front of her yet. Then you hear the lyrics on the radio, “That’s my daughter in the water every time she fell I caught her. Every time she fell.” The tears fill your eyes; you blink them back so you can keep driving as a lump forms in your throat, and change the station.

Taking a child to camp for the first time is a huge transition—and not just for the child who will be making choices on a daily basis without parental input. Summer camp is also a significant transition for a parent. For many parents, having a child attend summer camp is outside of their comfort zones. You will miss chatting with him at breakfast, playing hopscotch in the driveway, tucking her in at night. Acknowledge your feelings with someone who shares your parenting values; someone who also appreciates the friendships, confidence and life skills that can blossom in a summer camp experience. As parents we need to reach outside of our comfort zones at times to make the world a better place, to live life to the fullest, to do our best as parents.

Recognizing that taking your daughter to camp is as momentous for you as for her, is important. You can help her by being positive and realistic. It’s okay to let your camper know that you will miss her, but you also need to reassure her that you will be fine while she’s at camp. Once you get your child settled at camp and you are back home, take time to let your rush of emotions envelop you. Call a friend who has camper children and share your turbulent feelings of change. Go for a run and talk out loud. Summer camp is a major transition for the camper and her parent, one that can have a positive impact for both of you as well as your relationship with one another for years to come.  What worked for you after taking your child to camp for the first time?

Responding to A Sad Letter from Your Camper

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Elation: Opening your mailbox and finding a letter from your camper!
Deflation: Reading the letter and discovering that she’s lonely or homesick or feeling left out.

Receiving a sad letter from your camper is difficult and highly emotional. Often it is best to set the letter aside and think—perhaps even talk out loud with a spouse or a friend before responding. Consider whether the incident or concern is urgent and you need to call the director, or is your camper just experiencing a low because he wasn’t recognized at the weekly camp fire or she still hasn’t learned how to do the back float and everyone else can?

If you feel you need to call the camp director keep in mind that you have only received one side of the story. Be certain to ask for the director’s perspective. For more suggestions on calling the camp director read an earlier post Calling the Camp Director.

If, on the other hand, writing a letter in return is appropriate here are a few guidelines:

• Acknowledge Your Camper’s Feelings 

      What seems like a minor matter to you, is often a much larger issue from the perspective of a 10 year old.

• Stay Constructive 

     “What a jerk he is!” may make you feel better momentarily, but is unlikely to help your camper find a positive resolution. Perhaps you can suggest she talk with her counselor or another adult she is close to at camp.

• Remember that Dealing With Interpersonal Issues is Part of the Camp Experience

     Offering parental guidance in moderation can be helpful. But keep in mind that learning how to deal with non-life threatening situations on her own is part of the value of sending your daughter to camp.

• Be Aware Time Keeps Moving Forward

     From the time the incident occurred and your daughter wrote and mailed the letter, until you received the letter and finally until she receives your response could be up to a week( or more if you’re in Canada and there’s a postal strike!)  In that amount of time any number of personal transgressions may have been resolved. Consequently, dwelling on the topic for an entire sheet of paper may be excessive. Address the issue, let your camper know you care and are here for her, and then move on. Include a funny story from your childhood if that is helpful. Or add a riddle or joke or something light to bring a smile or laugh.

If you stay positive, your child is more likely to internalize your positive outlook and be able to deal with whatever issue may have come and gone by the time your letter is received.

Writing Your Camper

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In our high tech world, there are few places where a handwritten, or even typed letter, are so treasured as at summer camp. Following a few guidelines can turn a mundane recounting of your daily routine into a letter that your child may even prize as much as a package. Okay, any letter is unlikely to be elevated to package status, but at least you can create a memorable missive to your summer camper.

Print
Supposedly students are taught to read and write cursive in grade three. Yet in most cases, opening a letter and discovering cursive is about as appealing as being served broccoli for breakfast and likely to be pushed aside just as quickly. For camp letter legibility stick with printing.

Be Colorful
We all like eye candy-- make your letter visually appealing. Use multiple colors of ink, decorate the margins, draw pictures occasionally in place of words. You may even feel like a kid again as you write.

Write Conversationally
You are chatting with your child not writing a memo to your manager. Use playful expressions, interrupt yourself, get off topic, meander.

Topics are Irrelevant
Unless you parachuted from an airplane and landed in a coconut tree on your commute to work, you don't need to recount your daily routine. Tell your child about the dog in the supermarket or how you had to retrieve your car keys from the garbage. You may want to know your child's schedule and every interaction, but he just wants to get a letter and know you are thinking of him. Laughing out loud while reading is a huge bonus, hearing about the traffic on the way to work, not so much.

Stay Positive
Especially if this is your child's first experience away from home, you want to stay upbeat. No need to mention how sad you are without her celebrating the fourth of July with you or how you are counting the days until she is home. It is fine to let her know you love her, but you don't want her worrying how you will manage without her at home.

Jokes, Riddles and Humor
If you are still stuck for what to write, find some jokes, riddles, puzzles or puns to include. Find a host of child-friendly jokes on this website  Try this one for your camper in the summer woods:

Q: What is a mosquito's favorite sport?

A: Skin-diving.

Letters don't need to be long or newsy. They do need to arrive and let your camper know you are thinking of her.

How to Calm Pre-Camp Jitters

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So the weather is turning warmer. Way back in the cold, short days of winter, living on a lake with 100 other girls, playing, laughing, swimming, boating sounded fabulous. Now that the end of school is nearing, the reality of heading off to sleep away camp is starting to materialize. Jitters and nervousness are to be expected—both for the camper and his or her parents.

Here are a few suggestions on how to respond when you hear “Mommy, what if I don’t like it and I want to come home?”

You want be able to swoop in and pick her up and make her feel better. But that may not be the best option for your child.

It is important to respond honestly to your child. Many camps have specific policies that channel all phone calls to the camp directors rather than having a parent call a child directly. Calling your child can heighten his homesickness, and make a complete and happy transition to camp life more difficult.  Along with suggestions the camp directors give you on how they deal with jitters, here are some ways to calm your child’s concerns.

• Visit the camp before you drop your child off. If camp is in session before your child starts, then stop by the camp several weeks in advance, take a tour and give your child a chance to meet some of the staff and current campers. Being familiar with her surroundings will make her transition when she comes to stay easier.
  

• Assure your child that on the day you take him to camp, you will find an adult whom your camper can go to if he is feeling sad or homesick. Then be certain to follow through. Knowing that his parent will find at least one adult as a confidante can be reassuring.
  

• Make a list with your child of activities she can do when she’s feeling sad. Together sit down and talk through when she may feel sad and what she can do. Perhaps it will be at bedtime when she is used to having you tuck her in. Or maybe it’s first thing in the morning when she needs someone to help her decide whether to put on a sweatshirt. Having strategies will help her feel more confident and more able to cope with homesickness. You may put activities on the list such as writing you a letter, exploring with a friend, reading a favorite book, talking to a counselor.

Above all, ensure you are honest with your child. Certainly if it were a dire situation you would go pick him up from camp. But in the normal course of events, including homesickness, your child is much more likely to adapt if you give him the time and space to make a complete transition. So if you don’t intend on picking him up after one night then don’t tell him “just call and I’ll come get you honey.” Tell him how much you love him, how wonderful it is that he is trying something new, that it is normal to feel nervous and there are many strategies to help him adjust to his camp life. Let her know that you look forward to receiving her letters and she can certainly write how she is feeling—she can tell you when she feels sad and she can tell you about when she laughed and the people she has met.

Questions to Ask When Selecting a Summer Camp

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Now is the time to start planning for summer camp.  There are numerous camp fairs in February and March.  Check out http://www.acacamps.org/camp-fairs for a list of fairs throughout the country.   Many camps also host gatherings for current and prospective campers around the country, so check out the web sites of camps you are considering to see what gatherings they have planned.

There are many excellent overnight camps for children that are ACA accredited.  To find the right camp for your child consider both what you and your child are looking for in a summer camp experience as well as camp foundations.  Does your child have a particular interest that he or she wants to pursue—overnight hiking trips, a particular sport, an artistic interest?  How close or far from home are you willing to send your child to camp and for how long?   Are you looking for a girls camp, boys camp or a coed camp?  When evaluating the camp foundations look at the camp values, the staff to camper ratio, the tuition, returning campers and staff.

As you are considering alternative camps for your child be sure to meet the directors of prospective camps and ideally also talk with parents of current campers.  You can learn a lot about a camp from the attitude of current parents.  Following are some questions that may help you get started in a conversation.

For a conversation with camp parents

1.     Why did you send your child to this camp?

2.     Did your child have any transitional issues at camp?

3.     What were the best elements of camp for your child?

4.     What was most difficult for your child at camp?

5.     What did your child learn at camp?

6.     Did your child make any new friends at camp?

For a conversation with camp directors

1.     Are you ACA accredited?

2.     What are the camp values?

3.     How long has the camp been operating and how long have you directed the camp?

4.     What is the staff to camper ratio?

5.     How many campers and staff return year to year?

6.     How long are the camp sessions and how many sessions do most campers attend?

7.     What are your visitation policies for parents?

8.     What activities are offered?

9.     How much choice do the campers have in which activities to pursue?

What else would you want to know about a camp before sending your child?  What do you wish you had known about a camp before you sent your child?

Tipping Point

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A tipping point—like sitting on a really long see-saw and slowly the person on the opposite end starts leaning back, just a tiny bit, just enough to start lifting me into the air—that is how I feel this week—the magical week when I am precisely equidistant from the close of camp last summer and the opening of camp this year.

Now is the time to start planning for summer camp—whether your child is returning for her 10^th year, just starting her first or you are still considering whether sleepover camp is the right choice for your daughter. 

For those who are still weighing the pros and cons of sleep away camp, there are often Summer Opportunity Fairs or Camp Fairs where summer program directors converge and set up tables to sell their programs to parents and their children.  These programs tend to pop up during this tipping point period, so now is the time to look for these open houses in a town near you and spend a Sunday afternoon talking with camp directors to find a good program for your child.  

I will begin planning programs for my campers and thinking about new activities they can delve into this summer—perhaps I will muse over a camp treasure hunt or look for some new group games.  Even with the snow swirling outside and sleet on its way, I smile as I begin the happy slide toward another summer at camp.