Calling the Camp Director

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You’ve just received a distressing letter from your camper—she’s homesick, or a cabin-mate has been teasing her, or she’s never been picked to captain a team. Or you see a photo on the camp website and her hair looks like a rat’s nest—does it ever get combed? Should you call the camp? Call your camper? Write her a letter? Send an email?

With the explosion of communication between camp, camper and parents, it’s not uncommon for a parent to quickly place a phone call or send an email every time a concern is raised. Certainly it’s important to raise issues that may have gone unnoticed or unresolved. Sometimes it’s necessary simply to calm your own parental anxiety.

However, before sending that email or placing the call, put the incident in perspective. Her hair is a mess in a photo? Is it a mess in every photo? Are you usually the one who reminds her to comb her hair before school or combs out the tangles for her? Would it be beneficial if she could learn to brush her hair herself? Are there significant health or safety concerns if her hair continues to be tangled?

Perhaps your daughter has written you about being teased. Teasing can often go undetected beyond the tormentor and the target. Such a situation may well warrant a calm phone call to the director to discuss what your daughter has written as well as to listen to what the director has heard from the cabin counselors. Remember that every communication should be two-way—air your concern, but also listen to what else has occurred and how the situation may already be resolved.

This is particularly true for homesickness. A homesick incident written on a Tuesday, mailed on a Wednesday and not received by you until Friday may be entirely forgotten before the letter was even in transit. A composed phone call with the director can help calm your anxiety and offer you additional insight into how your daughter is currently faring. Most camp directors have dealt with a variety of homesick campers and have been trained in strategies to best manage each individual’s situation. Raising your concerns with the director can be helpful for you, your daughter and her counselors.

Also keep in mind that every camp has its own policy on communication between the camper and parents. Many camps work to keep camper phone calls at a minimum, if they are allowed at all, as phone calls can be disruptive to the child’s camp experience and inhibit the child’s independence and self-confidence. So more often than not, if you have a significant concern about your child’s well-being, it is far better to contact the camp office rather than your camper.

There are unquestionably times to contact the camp and the camp directors want to ensure that your daughter is experiencing the fullness of camp. On the other hand, camp is also about learning independence, self-confidence and new skills. A new skill may be learning how to shoot an arrow, or it may be how to brush your hair yourself, make your bed or get along living in close quarters with others. So when an issue arises, take a moment before calling the camp office or sending an email and put your concern in perspective.

Tips for a Sucessful Camp Drop Off

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Taking a daughter to camp, especially the very first time, can be as exciting and worrying for the parent as it is for the camper. The key to a successful drop off on the first day of camp is to ensure both your and your child's needs are met in the transition. For your child, she needs to integrate with her peers and make a connection to camp life so she has a focal point other than the goodbye. Whether your child is clingy or independent, you need to balance giving her space and support to make that camp connection. Your child can sense if you are distressed about leaving her, so it's also important for you to assure yourself that your child is in good hands. 

A few tips for balancing your needs and your child's needs on the first day of camp:

• Meet her counselors— learn their names.

• Meet any cabin-mates who are around. 

• Introduce yourself to other parents—this gives your daughter time to connect with her peers on her own.

• Help your daughter arrange a few items—maybe a photo she has brought from home, a jacket or laundry bag hung up. This setting up is truly more for the parent than the child. A parent wants to visualize her daughter’s space. For a camper, setting up is just a transitional pause before merging into camp life.

• Well run camps will have transitional activities for the arriving campers whether they head directly to a meal, an activity or gather for a craft. When it’s time for her to integrate into the flow, let her go. No need to fuss over how the pillow is arranged on her bed or whether her flashlight in conveniently located.

• Leave a card and small gift—a book, card game, activity book—for her on her bunk as a surprise when she returns to her cabin. 

• Say goodbye quickly, don’t linger. Once you have said goodbye, it is time for you to leave.

• Smile as you depart—you want your daughter to think of you as happy that she’s at camp.

Taking a Daughter to Camp

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Preparing for my daughter’s summer at camp was easy; meeting the reality of a good-bye was exceedingly difficult. I wanted a bear hug and “I’ll miss you Mama.” She wanted a quick hug and a kiss and a chance to melt into the new found group of girls.

It seemed the snow bank was still knee high at the end of our driveway the day she began packing her trunk. Each afternoon after completing her homework, she’d ask, “Can I go up and pack now?” The first several times she asked, I quizzically responded, “But your trunk is packed.” “Not the new underwear you bought me,” she’d reply. Or, “I have a newly sharpened pencil to pack.” And so it went for an entire month of anticipation. Each day pulling everything out and rearranging the entire contents as the newly acquired item always seemed to need to be packed on the bottom of the trunk.

The day before we were to drop her off, she became very quiet. Perhaps the reality was beginning to settle on her. By lunch the day we drove to camp, her vocabulary had diminished to “No thank you” and “I’m not hungry.” I made her favorite meal for lunch— she managed to eek one noodle from her fork to her mouth before uttering, “I’m not hungry.” The butterflies were gathering.

When we got to camp the first stop was a check in with the nurse. The nurse, being friendly, asked what my daughter was looking forward to doing at camp this summer. “Making a friend,” was her quiet reply. Tears filled my eyes; this would certainly be a difficult good-bye. Would she make a friend? Would she be happy? Would her counselor put her covers back on when they fell off at night?

At her cabin she selected her bunk without any fuss and although I wanted to help her unpack and get settled, she simply wanted to change into her uniform and head to the playground with 2 other girls in her cabin. I worried when she only put one blanket on her bed (it gets cold in Maine at night!). I wanted to arrange the photos that she had brought from home and hang up her laundry bag and bathing suits and towel. She quickly changed, selecting footwear to match her cabin mates and headed out as a camper. We followed, her sister and father and I, and although we were close behind we watched her move farther and farther from us, finding her own way, understanding the need to belong and looking for a way to belong. 

How did your drop off go?  Who had the most difficult time saying good-bye?

Quick Tips for Writing to a Camper

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The rest bell rings and campers race to the mailboxes to see what awaits. Samantha Saylor arrives first and grabs the stack of envelopes from the S box, quickly reading through the addressee names.

“Santos, Smith, Santos, Strickland, Surrey, Santos, Smith, Shen, finally Saylor!, Santos, Santos, how many friends and family does Santos have?!, Shen, Sargent, another one for Saylor, Santos, Steinberg, Santos”

Samantha hands the stack to the anxiously awaiting Strickland and heads off with her two letters. The high point of mail time has passed—sorting through the envelopes and finding the envelopes with her name on them. Even opening and reading the mail can’t eclipse the excitement of reading through the addressee names.

So take this as your first tip in writing your camper—mail, any mail, is better than no mail. And the contents of the letter or postcard are far less important than the fact that correspondence has been received. Still, writing about your commute to work, or grocery shopping will pale in comparison to a note including a funny story about trying to pick blueberries in the rain or fixing the leaky faucet and getting soaked in the process.

Here are some quick tips for writing your camper this summer:

1. Write short, frequent letters rather than long occasional notes
2. Include interesting flat items such as a newspaper comic or a photo
3. Sprinkle in a few riddles
4. Take some time to doodle
5. Include a short, funny story. Nothing happened on your commute to work or in your office? Find a few short jokes to include (there are plenty to be found on-line) or relate a story from your childhood.
6. Comment on your camper’s most recent letter—great job on learning how to serve in tennis or how cool that her cabin mate is from Montana.
7. Include a game like hang man, tic tac toe, or 20 questions on a second sheet of paper that the two of you can send back and forth over the summer to play.
8. Remember to write so your camper can read—many of the under 12 set cannot read cursive and that goes for many teens as well these days. 4 paragraphs of loopy handwriting will quickly be scanned for the signature at the end.

P.S. post scripts and post post scripts are always a big hit!

What writing tips for campers do you have?

10 reasons to send your daughter to summer camp

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At Summer Camp...

Friendships last a lifetime.

 When the heat wave hits there’s a cool lake to dive into.

Campfires can’t be beat when shared.

It’s easy to find a quiet place to read a book,

Or a busy place to play with buddies.

Learning how to live with others is essential.

There’s a great sense of accomplishment

in learning a new skill

Or in achieving a goal together.

            The nights are as spectacular as the days.

But most importantly, every child should have the opportunity to soar!

Have a question about sending your daughter to camp?  Ask it here!